Archive for January, 2014

“Molly Songs” Writing Log – 01/26/14 3:53 PM

Last night/yesterday I wrote another song/poem to add to my collection that will eventually become “Molly Songs” (title will probably change…) and I pretty much love it. Looking back at the other few I’ve written so far, it’s been cool to see how I’ve captured moments in my life and the feeling that accompanies them. I’m moving slow because I have to wait for the right moments to write, and the right events to write about, but it’s moving right along, so I look forward to that next moment to arrive.

Over and out.

(this update was short, because my progress is scanty. But progress it is, so I shan’t belittle it!)

in honor of the new year

I’m not typically into the whole new year resolutions thing…I think if I have goals for my life I should think about them more than once a year, and I should start working on them when they come to mind. My goals should be something I focus on all year instead of isolating them in such a way. However, I usually do jot a few down every January, because I’m really not good at making good goals for myself, and it is good to start every year with a vision.

This January I vowed to finish a short story. Confession time: I’m really bad at follow through (probably one of the reasons I’m terrible with goals). I have started many projects that were intended to be novels, and I have started many short stories. I haven’t even been able to finish one short story. So that’s what I’m working on right now! I may or may not share an excerpt from it at the conclusion of this post. The thing about the story I’m working on right now is that I have no clue what it’s about. I started it a long time ago, probably over a year. It’s actually something from a dream I had. 

Here’s another confession: dreams really fascinate me. I usually remember my dreams really well, and they are usually quite interesting. I’m not one to think that dreams always mean something, but I do believe that some of them do. So I have several short stories I’ve begun based on dreams I’ve had. The thing about my dreams is that sometimes they are very metaphorical, and typically symbolic of fears I have. This is one such dream. It actually seems a bit eerie and perhaps morbid, but I think that’s because it is one of my deepest fears, and is very serious to me. For some reason I enjoy writing eerie things. It makes me feel more thoughtful and think about things deeply and seems so symbolic and powerful. Anyway, I’m having a hard time with the length, since the dream wasn’t very long. I am hesitant to add a lot of plot that wasn’t originally there, and I think it’s more powerful when it’s shorter. But it’s on it’s way! So without further ado, after that exhibition of my talent in rambling, here is your sneak peek at it. (keep in mind while you’re reading that it’s mostly metaphor. It may get a little extreme/graphic. The main event in it is death, but look for the deeper meaning!) 

“She looked around, still disbelieving, the great rhythmic waves pulsing through her, holding her breath, her song not escaping. She could feel the flesh stinging as she watched their hands sliding slowly down the harsh vines. And one by one, with indifferent, almost peaceful looks, they let go and fell into whatever was below.  Her scream was swallowed up, and the silence lashed out at her as they vanished. They fell down with the drifting feather leaves to the soft mossy floor, forever down. They had no sense of how long they fell, thousands of feet blurring together, time and space no longer existing, and landing without a sound in the carefully assembled silence. The jungle held its breath, its heart beating silently, motionless, pulsing in the rattling bones. Their mangled bodies lay scattered and the trees breathed softly over them, the swell of the forest increasingly present.

            Their eyes were open, one last expression frozen on their faces, a look of thrill and freedom; you could still see the rush of wind in their cheeks and a brilliant cry on their lips, a shattered silence in their eyes. And after they would say that it felt…strange, like they were shaken from their skin.

            But she hung there forever. She never let go. She hung there stunned, eyes shifted down. Baked by the sun, frozen when the stars came in like icy daggers in her heart, ragged clothes hanging off her skeleton flesh, the vines rotted into her hands and wrists, too afraid to let go. And down there, there they were, their crumpled bodies laying side by side with their faces frozen in victory. And there she was hanging alone above them, far, far above, the last thing hardened, petrified, carved into her face was terror and despair and ignorance. And she never knew what it was like to fly, to shed her skin. She was lashed up there in her noose forever, listening for the summoning of the haunted song to be seized by a distant calling, convicted by the ones beyond. But all was silent far, far above.”

 

So yeah, I dreamed that. The dream was so vivid and fascinating that I can still remember it over a year later, and I had to write about it. Without the context it probably doesn’t make much sense, but that’s part of the end of it. I’m also having a problem with making it simple enough. The dream was very simple, but it’s hard to recreate the feeling without going into complicated descriptions and such, so I’m working on that.

I was going to end with “hope you enjoyed it” but it was not entended to be enjoyable per se. So I will end with this instead:

I hope it was thought provoking, fascinating, a bit stunning, and intriguing 🙂 

Later! 

…and I’m back.

well folks, it has been quite some time since my last post. Since then summer has come and gone, as has my first ever semester of college. It has gone by so fast and been so crazy, and I feel like so much has happened since then. In a way I guess it has. Semester one of college was great. I have learned so much, and while my classes were all good, I grew the most emotionally and in my knowledge of myself. I went through so many transitions, and a lot of rough days, and I’m so thankful for that. The start of second semester has shown me all the ways I’ve grown over the past couple of months, and the fact that I feel so at home and so capable to take what this semester has coming is just amazing. I certainly did not feel like this going into first semester.

I had to write a short essay for one of my classes recently about why I chose to come to college at TIU and what I believe the purpose of life is. Huge question, right? But I love that type of thing, and so I’m going to share a few excerpts from that essay sharing some of my philosophy about life and my purpose.

“What the purpose of my life is is a question I have asked myself many times, as I believe we all have. It is an important question because the answer determines how we spend our time and greatly impacts the decisions we all make, and was a big question I had while deciding where to go to college. The most frustrating thing about this question is how difficult it is to find the answer. But I think we go about it the wrong way, and the answer is so simple to find.

I believe we all have a purpose and a reason we are living, but sometimes the way God reveals this to us is different. When I was deciding where to go to school I thought it was the first big decision I was making in my life. I was so wrong. The way I spend every moment of my life, my attitude, and the way I respond to everything that happens to me are the big decisions, even though they might seem so trivial and they go by so fast, many times without very much thought. They are all huge decisions that make me who I am. In a way, choosing what college I go to, who I marry, and what job I have are products of all the small decisions that came before that.

For me, it was very clear where my heart lay when I was deciding to come to Trinity. God revealed everything to me as I needed, and it truly did come down to the person I had grown into in every moment of my life when I made that one decision. I’ve come to realize in my life that I’m not always going to have the perfect answer to these things that seem to be life changing. What I have to think about is how I spend my time through that change. Sometimes I have to work to enjoy life and to love what I am doing. No matter where I am there will be things to complain about and it will never be perfect. That’s why it’s more important learning how to enjoy life and how to respond to those negative things, because they happen no matter where you are and who you’re with and where you work. No big, life-changing decision I make will cause those things to disappear, even if it is the “right” decision. When I feel unhappy here at Trinity, I remember that and I remember the things I love about Trinity. If I went to another school I would have the exact same thoughts some days. The key to feeling content in the big decisions is found in the small ones.

As I look at my life and live it day-to-day, it’s sometimes hard working through all the changes and transitions, especially because I am going through a lot of major ones right now. But I’d hate to be the boring person who’s always been the same, whose path has always been clear. I want to be constantly changing, developing, exploring, and expanding. I want things to be up in the air, I want to stay on my toes, ready for anything, caught off guard, and ready to go with it. If I knew how this would end or the means of getting there, what would be the point? I like the mystery, and the process of trusting God through the things I don’t have figured out. I like the change of plans, the detours, and the last minute surprises. I do what I need to do to keep moving. Some days I just want to do what comes easily. Some days I know the alarm will go off and I’ll lay there scared of life and scared of death, and saddened to tears about what lies ahead. But those are the days the mystery is deepest, the happiness most hidden, and my calling most clear. Those are the days that what I want calls out the loudest and the challenge is right there in front of me, and those are the days I will find the most courage to go out there and take it.”

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